The Story About New Year's

Dear Poppy and Oz,

If there was anything that we could have done to change the course of the past months, we would have. 

I am determined to fill your lives with happiness, but I feel very sorry that you lost your amazing Daddy.  And every time you do something new and grow and change, it saddens me to think of all that he is missing. 

I need you to know how much he wanted to be here for you.  He was determined to stick around.

On New Year's Eve, we had a fire going in the fireplace and tried to stay up until midnight.  Your Daddy had been sleeping more and more, but that night he couldn't rest at all.  In fact, he woke me up just a few minutes before twelve for the countdown.  He had been awake all evening.  In retrospect, I wonder if he couldn't miss what would be his last New Year. 

As we somberly watched the ball drop, heard Auld Lang Syne and saw the celebrating couples kiss, I think we both suspected that 2015 may not be our best.  I was taken aback when out-of-the-blue your Daddy said, "I want to have little kid parties." 

Strange.  I asked him to repeat himself.  And when he said it again, I wondered aloud what he meant.  He explained that he wanted to have New Year's Eve parties with you, sweet Poppy and Oz.  He imagined the fun that you would have counting down together and celebrating.

And what came next caused more heartbreak for us than any couple should have to endure, but I must share it, because you will wonder about your Daddy someday.  I want you to know how much you were loved.  He said that he was worried he may not be around for the next New Year's and began crying.  You were always forefront on his mind. 

And I cried with him and hugged him for a long time, but couldn't bring myself to say a word.  And after we got it out of our system, we went to sleep and dreamt that everything would be okay.