The other day I read about a woman who calls herself politically independent and socially liberal. I liked that because I don't want to be pigeonholed as 100% Republican, Democrat or anything else.
There were some brief moments where I didn't know if my budding relationship could make it through the election season. Both of us seem to have strong opinions...and I, in particular, have a need to share them at the most inopportune times.
I also know from my relationship with Steve and others in my family that I can be a tad frustrating with which to debate. I have a viable answer or comeback for EVERYTHING. That coupled with my superior intelligence :) can create issues. If you add our combined six (most of the time sweet!) children into the mix...including Michael's amazing 23 year-old that has twins born a day before Poppy...the outlook was--at best--challenging, and--at worst--impossible.
As I've been working my way through the grieving process, Michael and his ex-wife have been doing an admirable job of working through the adjustments involved in co-parenting. Obviously, we have all been going through some emotional turmoil...a hurdle to any relationship.
Not to mention, he lives in Fishers! To someone that hailed from Irvington, that fact is difficult to swallow. If you hear helicopters in my 'hood, they are searching for a perp...in his neighborhood...likely covering a local high school football game.
And while all of this adds up to many potential obstacles, I am old enough now to understand that there will be bumps in the road (i.e. Fishers, melding the Brady Bunch, political leanings, etc.) and then there are non-negotiables. My non-negotiables are the treatment of my babies, a willingness to maintain open channels of communication...to be flexible and good-natured...to respect me (not acquiesce to me, but truly respect me)...and to be introspective, empathetic and have strength of character.
Life has shown me that sometimes my worry is unnecessary and that life's small challenges can be overcome with less angst if you are beside the right person. I know more than anyone that the cliché, "Things could be worse," turns out to be true. The small hills that Michael and I have...seem tiny in the grand scheme of things and workable compared to other mountains I've faced in the past.
And just when I have become overwhelmed and gravely anxiety-ridden about something that one of us said and mull over it for days wondering what the deeper implications are...we talk about it. The conversations aren't always 100% comfortable, but we work through any concerns.
He teases quite a bit, but I can handle it and, in fact, dish it back pretty well (I think!). He has surprised me on several occasions with a great deal of compassion and sensitivity.
He sometimes watches Channel 6 news and mentioned that he saw the feature with Steve and I in November 2014. After giving me a nice gift that took me aback, Michael said that when he saw the interview, he knew that the love he saw on-screen was the type of love he wanted in his life.
I felt nervous at times to talk about Steve in front of Michael. It seemed somewhat unfair and I wasn't quite certain how to approach handling grief and dating at the same time. A few days after I attended a Colts game in November and blogged about an emotional time dealing with memories, he said he would like if I could talk about it with him. He was concerned that he had been "treating Steve as though he was just another ex, instead of a beloved husband." His unsolicited sentiment was appreciated very much.
It is new territory for all of us...this entire motley crew that I call my family. And we are making it work. So, when Michael took me on a repeat of our July date to Santorini on Saturday night and asked me to marry him, I said yes.
After dinner when he asked to drive by my Irvington house, and we had a drink at Black Acre Brewing Company where one of Steve's dear friends was bartending, I was reminded why I love this man. You see....as polar opposite as Steve and Michael are in some ways, the thing that I treasure most about both is a sweet and helpful spirit. And their big cornball personalities, of course.
Happy Holidays, my friends.
Love to all,
Debbie (Poppy and Ozzy, too)
