Today ended a lot better than it started. I'm not sure I even know why.
This week I've just been thinking a lot about what happened. At least a couple times a week, I spend chunks of time in the evening looking up pancreatic cancer. What the symptoms are...risk factors...survivor rates. I keep trying to figure out the sequence of events and how rapidly everything transpired.
Oh my gosh...I cannot even keep my eyes open, so that is a sign that I need to get some rest and wait until tomorrow to write more.
Good night, my friends.
Love to all,
Debbie
I still look up glioblastoma, as if learning more about it will change things, but less than I use to. You just have to learn to tear yourself away from it, because there are no good answers as to why it happened, and for me , no answer is better than answers like " God never sends you more than you can handle", or"Everything happens for a reason", or "God has a reason, even though we might not understand it". It is hard to resist the temptation to go over everything, trying to figure out how it happened and how everything could go so terribly wrong in such a short time. I have learned that it's an impossible task, and try not to let myself go there for long any more.
ReplyDeleteGlad you day ended on a good note. In regards to your study on pancreatic cancer, it seems to me that you are trying to bring reason to the unexplainable. Perhaps your heart is begging your head to bring some wisdom to this series of events. Do whatever it takes to maneuver through this journey of grief...but I would suggest you trade your computer search time on this disease for some time for yourself. Perhaps this will bring you an even greater sense of awareness. Don't mean to lecture but no matter what you seek in your knowledge of understanding what swept your precious Steve from your arms it may be robbing you of precious minutes. Just a thought. Here's to another good day.
ReplyDeleteBless you my dear child! I hope you can get some much needed rest and sleep. Prayers are with you and the children. Judy and Ron
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