August 7, 2016

We had a good weekend. 

The babies and I did our carpet picnic on Friday evening after work and school.  It was one of those rare times that I got McDonalds.  I know that it is a good thing they really don't like it, but the selfish side of me wishes that they did.  I really, really like it every once in a while.

Saturday morning we had a pool party on the front patio.  It was a gorgeous day!  I got a babysitter for the kids on Saturday evening.  This was the first time for that.  They did amazingly great!  I don't think they even cared that I was gone, and the sitter said that they went straight to bed without a peep.  It is a bit freeing to know that my family can be independent.  I can figure things out if I have to.  It's scary to be on my own, but I know that I am stronger.  When something goes wrong, I don't have a partner to lean on. 

Case in point, the flusher on my toilet broke about a month ago.  Not good.  I bought a new flusher at Walmart and youtubed the procedure.  That didn't work out so hot.  I still have the packaging and wrench by my toilet.  I stuck the new flusher in there though, and it at least flushes...which I am proud of.

I'm not entirely sure that is a success story.  But for me to get it working a bit was a small victory.  So, I guess that someday soon, I will figure out the second part...which is to get the flusher accurately installed and make it so that I do not have to take the tank lid off each time I flush.

But the point of all of this is that I've learned that I can take care of this stuff.  Whether I have a partial solution that works for now...or whether I just pay a plumber to come and laugh at how dumb I am and charge me $200.  I will take care of it.

Anyway...that was a very long story, and I'm not quite sure what the point was, besides that I am feeling better about life.  I do have an overwhelming panicked moment every once in a while, where I feel SO alone and scared.  But I try to squelch that pretty quickly.  If you start to dwell in that place, you might take up residence.

At one point today, I worried that life was moving along too well, and I felt bad about that and just missed Steve.  It makes me sad that our little Oz-boy is 18 months already, and Steve didn't get the chance to enjoy him.  I don't want Steve to be forgotten.  I don't want him to drift away.  What if he is?  Drifting away, I mean? 

I wonder if it is possible to be happy and also always have Steve in my heart.  I hope so.