The Story About August - Continued Again...

When I got the call from the Lab about my final pathology, Steve must have been out.  Mom and Brenda were at my house visiting.  They were so happy for me.  I thanked them, and then I started crying.  In retrospect, I must have known something was horribly wrong, because I said that I was really worried about Steve...that I knew we hadn't always made perfect lifestyle choices (who has??)...but everyone deserves a second chance.  I've always wondered if they thought I was overreacting at the time.  It was seemingly pretty dramatic.

But there were other foreboding signs.  My mom said a couple of times over that week that she would be happy to babysit Poppy if I needed to take Steve to the ER.  On this day last year, Steve could not get comfortable at all.  He was taking many, many ibuprofen each day.  I still have the Maalox in the fridge that he was gulping down.  He slept most of the day.

I was hoping to have a fun Labor Day weekend, celebrating our good news and learning how to be a family since we were finally past all of the mess.  I was still recovering from surgery and trying to deal with my drains though, so we laid around with Poppy and watched movies.  I remember I made the mistake of borrowing the movie, Precious, from my Mom, because I had never seen it and thought it would be uplifting.  I couldn't have chosen a worse movie for that particular day.  Boy, do I know how to bring down a holiday weekend!  Steve told me I had made a great movie choice.  I think he was being sarcastic.

Cindy, Jerry and my niece had gone up to Chicago that weekend for a little getaway.  Jerry texted me on Saturday morning with a thoughtful message.  But everything was going so wrong, so quickly.

On Saturday, I wanted to try to leave the house for a bit, even though it seemed overwhelming to get myself up and about, get Poppy ready and help Steve...but we got ourselves together and went to Bren and Andrew's for just a couple of hours for dinner.  Steve uncharacteristically didn't want anything to eat.  He stayed in their recliner the whole time we were there. 

I didn't know this until much, much later when Brenda told me a strange story.  When I was out of the room that night, Steve pointed to one of the veins in his arm and said to Bren and Andrew..."And that's the vein they'll probably use for chemo."

So that was our last Labor Day weekend together, the best that I can remember.  It was the final few days before all hell broke loose.  And unfortunately, they weren't even normal days.  They were terrifying and nerve wracking.  And I despise that there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop or slow the course of events.  It breaks my heart that he was dying...it wasn't just indigestion or heartburn...it wasn't him overreacting.  He was dying quickly right before my eyes.  

Steve had started feeling so badly that he began lying on the floor with Poppy. 8 25 14