This weekend I felt a little as though a weight had been lifted. I am doing some things that I haven't done often before. With encouragement and help from loved ones, I'm taking the babies to visit OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMES (I feel as though that should echo)...homes with glass and breakables and unstained carpet and stairs and other children with whom we have to share.
There were some bad parts, but also some really, really good parts. But that's the yin and the yang, I guess.
We also went to a...restaurant. Yep...a restaurant! I've only tried that once (I am wracking my brain, but I really do think just once) since the 'Great Wolf Lodge Disaster (and ensuing Great Depression) of March 2016.' Many of you may remember this episode, as I called and texted several of you that don't even know me very well for therapeutic assistance.
I attempted to resist the invitation to eat out as I always do by shaking my head vehemently, looking confused and emphatically saying, "We don't do that. My branch of the Laswells don't eat out anymore."
But I was persuaded that it would be just fine.
So, truth be told...it didn't go super great. Ozzy and Poppy were tired. Both of them wanted in my lap and refused to take 'no' for an answer. Poppy won't eat regular food, and she will not eat with everyone else. Oz won't go to anyone but me sometimes. There was loud crying occasionally. There were quite a few times that I was desperately pleading with Poppy, "WHAT DO YOU WANT???? Milk? Green crayon? Food? In the booster? Out of the booster? Pink crayon? Menu? WHAT????" And there were a few times that I closed my eyes while both of them were sitting in my lap, and I wish that I could beam us...or maybe just me...or maybe just them...out of there.
I tend to take all of this as an indictment of my parenting skills, and then my confidence is impacted. It becomes a vicious cycle. Because they sometimes act badly when we go out, I don't want to go out, so they never get experience going out, and then they act badly when we go out.
My biggest issues seem to be that they are both very clingy with me in general, more so in crowds. This means that even if someone wants to help me, they aren't able to. My other issue seems to be that I've noticed Poppy, in particular, does not do great in new and unfamiliar situations...especially loud and crowded places. Oz does much better at adapting. I hope I didn't screw her up by not being as present as I needed to be last year.
Even with all of that though, it actually wasn't too bad. I tend to worry a lot about what other's think. Are we ruining their meal? Are we impacting their good time? Are they sick of hearing my babies cry? Do they think I'm a bad mother? Will they stop being my friends or inviting me out?
But again, with some support from those around me, I was able to realize that life continues, we can still laugh, my children won't FOREVER be this way, maybe SOMEDAY I can eat out again, and that I'm not a completely horrible mother for leaning on Dora a teeny bit right now.
I had a pretty good time! Better than I expected! And that alone is a vast improvement. My expectations are so low that if I can smile at all, it was a great experience!
And as soon as we left the restaurant, and looked around in a store, Poppy was the most delightful little girl. Giggling and running around, having fun and being cute. When she is being adorable, I just wanted to snatch her up and run her back to show my fellow diners at the restaurant.
Anyway, it was a good weekend. We were very busy and had a lot of fun. I felt really happy about it.
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