March 5, 2016

We went down to Bloomington today and visited Nonny and Gus.  It was a really nice day.

I didn't have any Diet Mountain Dew left at home this morning.  That constitutes an emergency :).  I got the car packed up, a Doc McStuffins DVD started, each kiddo had a drink...but what to do for caffeine for myself?

My usual stop on weekday mornings has a fountain Diet Mountain Dew for 87 cents.  Such an awesome deal!  But today I really didn't want to stop and drag both of the kids into a gas station.

So...in one of the laziest moments of my life, I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru.  Taco Bell is one of the only places I know that has a drive-thru with Diet Mountain Dew.  I spent a lot more than 87 cents, but ordered two large drinks for myself.

Some days you just can't put a price tag on stress-free convenience.  

March 4, 2016

I am going to go crawl into bed.  I feel mad, sad, etc., so I'm just going to take a break and get some rest.  I'm trying not to get frustrated over life's small stuff, but it's hard sometimes, isn't it? 

Ironically, I just realized that this day last year was far worse.  It was the day that Steve and I went to the Cancer Center for the last time. I should probably remember that when I get angry over crayon on the couch...huge fights over the stupid potty...and me being so ignorant that I couldn't figure out how to use the drill and drywall anchors to secure bookshelves to the wall.  What kind of idiot can't use a drill?  (Don't answer.) 

I just need to take a breath and get in a more positive frame of mind.

March 3, 2016

When I had Poppy, I felt bad that she was in daycare so many hours.  I guess it's the classic 'New Mom' guilt.  Do dads get that too?

I didn't even stop for any groceries on my way home from work or do any other errands, because I wanted to get to her daycare facility as quickly as possible.  I couldn't relax at all.  I was tense and stressed. From the minute I left work all I could think about was getting to her.

And let me say, I trusted and loved her daycare teachers with every fiber of my being.  It was never about her safety or care...more about my guilt at how little time I spent with her during the week. I remember thinking to myself woefully that by the time we arrived home, I only got to see her for an hour or two before she went to bed. 

And now my guilt is for a different reason.  Steve's last few months of feeling good, I should have been reveling in my new family and terrific baby.  Instead, I was so worried about anything and everything related to Poppy. 

Since I became a single parent, it's amazing how my perspective changed regarding daycare.  Necessity dissolved my guilt immediately.  The babies have to be there, and I have to work.  My frame of reference has been turned on end. 

I don't know that I'm ever super easy to live with...but that last year or two was not laid back and fun-filled.  If only I had the Back to the Future DeLorean that Steve loved so much. 

March 2, 2016

When we spent the weekend with the Laswells a couple of weeks ago, I went snow tubing for the first time.  It was a lot of fun!  And I had a really good time with family.

Steve's parents watched the babies, since even Poppy was a bit young to enjoy the experience.  I was definitely feeling Steve's absence that afternoon. 

At one point when I was standing in line to go down the hill, I looked up and caught a glimpse of Steve's cousin, Donnie, smiling at me. 

There are definitely many similarities between Donnie and Steve physically.  In fact, they used to make me laugh sometimes when they compared their jowls. 

When I looked up and saw Donnie, I immediately thought it was Steve.  It was amazing how easily the past year and a half just melted away, and I forgot he was gone.  It took a couple of seconds for me to remember that it couldn't possibly be him. 

It couldn't be him for obvious reasons...but also because Steve would have never been seen in Titans gear.

(Just kidding, Donnie!  I know that you wore that horrible Titans jacket on Sunday, not Saturday.)

There were so many emotions crammed into one fleeting moment.  And then my confusion was gone, and we continued tubing on that beautiful 65 degree Saturday.

Not one day...not one hour goes by that I don't think of him.  He is always remembered and constantly missed. 

March 1, 2016

I took Ozzy for his one-year 'well child' check-up yesterday.  He is in the 85 percentile for height and and 90 percentile for weight.  Apparently his head circumference is also keeping up nicely.  He is a proportionate little boy.  Whew.  :)

The doc did say that he might suggest that I get a consultation from First Steps, since Oz isn't walking yet.  I tend to take these things less seriously than I used to.  I asked if he would mind if I gave it a month.  Poppy only started to walk around 14-15 months old.  I'm not really worried about it at this point.  I hope he doesn't thing I'm being blase about it...but I really don't think that anything is wrong with him.

I met a nice young mother in the lobby of the pediatrician's office.  She saw me dragging Oz around in his car seat and was impressed by the way I'd put his coat on.  She asked a few other questions and seemed interested in chatting as we were waiting for our appointments. 

It always surprises me a bit how forthright some folks are...I'm definitely not condemning anyone here.  After a few conversational questions, she said, "Did you breastfeed or formula feed him?"

If only she knew.

I struggle with this question.  Nowadays, it is looked down upon if you disclose that you formula fed.  So, I almost feel that I need to explain.  If people really, really thought hard about the question they were asking, I wonder if they would reconsider it.  What an intensely personal thing to ask someone. 

And you have to wonder what the motivation is for asking.  It really didn't further the conversation.  In fact, when I said that I had formula fed Ozzy, she said, "Well, he looks pretty healthy anyways." 

If only she knew.

If only she knew that formula feeding was really the least of my worries when I had my sweet boy last year. 

The Story About The Nuisance

I took the babies to my Mom's house yesterday afternoon to play for a bit.  My sister, Brenda, was stopping by with her two girls as well -- Megan and Meredith.

Megan was getting pretty frustrated with Oz a couple of times throughout the day...and in all fairness, she was tired.  Whenever Oz got close to her and tried to take one of the toys she had nearby, she would scream.  Sometimes even when he wasn't going for her toys, she would wail.

It was really pretty funny to see her dramatic reaction. Oz didn't seem bothered by her screams in the slightest.  He just kept on being annoying.  I got a few photographs, but decided to stop when I got the major stinkeye from Megan.  She has THE most awesome stinkeye.

The first picture, he was just SO proud of himself.  And then in the next few, Megan took off to escape to the middle of a bed where he couldn't reach, but he just stayed there and waited for any sign of weakness.

These kids crack me up.  I'd love to have their problems.  :)

February 28, 2016

Last weekend, I thought Poppy might be coming down with a cold or ear infection or something.  I wanted to make sure she was feeling okay.

When she woke up, I asked her whether her throat hurt.  She said no.  I asked her whether her head hurt.  She said no.  I asked her whether her ears hurt.  She said no. 

I began to worry that maybe she was just giving the same answer to everything, but not really getting the gist of the questions.  I have no clue what she comprehends. 

So, I decided to test her. 

"Poppy, do you know that Mommy loves you very much?" I asked.

"Yeah," she answered immediately and smiled a million-watt smile at me.  I decided she wasn't sick then and moved on.